Some network marketers (and some people in general) are paralyzed by the fear of being rejected. If you deal with this fear, you will have to overcome it to truly succeed.
Continuing in my conversation series, I’m going to show you where this fear originates, I’m going to show you how to discover the biggest possible source of it, and I’m going to show you how to conquer it once and for all.
As I talked about in my first post in this series, being rejected can stop someone in network marketing from even getting started.
It’s the largest obstacle you may encounter, so here we go…
Of the list of reasons people give for not talking to people in any situation, “rejection” is by far the biggest and most predominant.
If you’ve ever listened to or read the book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers, you understand that most fear stems from 1 of 2 things:
– Fear that the end will come to you (or to all) due to the thing you fear
– Lack of confidence that you can actually handle it
To really find the source of a fear, whether it’s rejection or any other fear, we have to try going back in our minds all the way to our childhood.
Because most fears originate in our childhood – in fact 99% of them do.
See, when we used to get into trouble as a child, we couldn’t really defend ourselves or our position because we were usually confronted by adults.
Adults, teachers or parents would simply come back with a reply like,”Because I said so.” and we felt powerless.
Picture little Susie in Kindergarten in the lunch line who’s just been scolded by her teacher for cutting in line in front of one of her classmates. She feels bad (and probably should) for being greedy and thinking only of herself.
And this is the way it should be for disciplinary and teaching purposes for all of us. So I’m not saying being disciplined as a child is bad at all. Don’t get side-tracked on this.
What I am trying to help you understand is that it’s in those moments of powerlessness (or feeling somewhat powerless) as a child more than any other moments in our lives that many or most of our fears find the fertile ground to actually grow stronger and get a foothold in our minds.
In other words…That was THEN. This is NOW.
How well those fears grew over the years was ENTIRELY up to us.
This is why some people struggle with some fears more than other people do.
It’s important that you first understand this about yourself, because that feeling of “I can’t handle this.” has been fueled only by your own mind and thought processes over the years.
When you approach someone with the intent of starting a conversation with them, that fear of rejection comes rushing back to you because of the underlying fear of getting a bad response (like you did when you were a kid).
The first step in “handling it” on this fear is simply to step back and think about how rational the fear really is.
“I’ve always been introverted, so I struggled with this one just as much as anyone else.”
One of the first objective things I did was to stop putting other human beings into a mold of being perfect.
What I mean by this is simple…The person you’re talking to may be shy, they may ignore you or look away, but it’s all because of THEIR shyness or insecurities or personal issues they’re dealing with, and has little to NOTHING to do with you.
If other people are confident, they’ll more than likely engage with you or at least respond to you.
Either way, it’s extremely unlikely that you’re going to get a bad response in either situation.
There are a number of lies your mind will come up with to rationalize just about anything.
When it comes to fear of rejection or speaking to others, these lies usually resemble something like this:
That list can go on-and-on. The point you have to grasp is: 99% of the time every single one of those thoughts are lies your own mind is making up as it goes.
Everyone has different belief systems, values, ethics, experiences.
“Most of time when people think they’ve been rejected, they really haven’t been at all.”
See, when you start a conversation with someone, you have little to no idea how they’re feeling at that moment or what mood they’re in (apart from the obvious signs and body language, of course).
Here’s a small list of SOME of the things that may affect the way people respond to you:
The best way to overcome any fear of being rejected by other people is to learn 2 new skills:
It’s also a good recommendation to learn how to control your own mindset around any potential rejection and tell yourself that even if it happens to you, it’s not YOU being rejected, but rather your actions, your views or ideas.
If those are rejected, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong – only that the other person has a different point of view (which can be affected by their mindset, experiences, beliefs, events of the day, etc.).
Practice approaching people and testing out exactly what to say.
And to really overcome the fear of being rejected, repeat to yourself as often as needed,”I can handle it. It’s not me. It’s them.”
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With the dawning of the internet in the 1990’s and the explosion of online activity
Clint is a consultant, blogger and online marketer that lives in Texas with his family.